Jasmine Lim Tze Huan, ♥ AngTengXiang
Eighteen, SixteenJanuary
SixFebruary2010, One.Year Four.Month

: Dearest Hubby February Six Meijin Zinc Daz Jack
: Amy Esther Justine Joel Jiazheng Karine TeckLee

Midnight update (:
Last week Saturday & Sunday went to Lucky and xueqi's chalet !
Enjoy for only half day ? I forget what really happy then next half day.
But after hearing laogong took care of me for the whole night, i feel so happy and blessed but in the same time guilty.
♥ I love AngAng !
I really don't know how to say how much i love him, how much i want him so badly.
Nothing can ever replaced, nightmare happen cause i fear of it happening.
Please promise me nothing of that dream will ever happen.





Yup, now doing facial :D Cooling and hot ~ My face is like smurf sooo soooo blueee :D

I need job badly, im fear my chalet i have no money for it.
I planned all this not to add on stress to mine laogong, not to make him more negative.
I know i have to be more considerate, don't know whether is im too sensitive or what?
I know you badly wanted a job, earn some money and spend it on me. Maybe because of this you have this reaction.
Hahaa, chey Im too sensitive le (: Nevermind. nevermind :D Iloveyou, laogong !

Hahaa, just reach home from Jurong Safra !
Had my first ever prom night over there, wonderful memories created to end my secondary school life.
I love the photos taken today :D It rarely i get makeup and look nicer than normal times.
So all the photos i think is nice ♥
Laogong look super nice also (: I love his outfit yea ? I was wondering during the whole prom whether i really look really normal or a bit nicer than normal )':
Guess i look really normal ? Same as usually, other girls was all pretty ♥ ohmygod, really beautiful.

Anyways, enjoyed today :D Didn't want to say much about it, im tired already (:
Lastly i love my laogong ♥ I bet no one love him as much as i do, bhb hahaa!
Okays, my eyes closing already >.<

Asked myself is it worth keep on making both of us so tired so heart broken ?
Yea i tried my hardest already but i just can't make it everytime. To other i may not seem change im still fcuking the same from the beginning.
Be it i have or i don't have, what i know is i want to kill myself off -_-

Whos doesn't want to be happy but i just keep on ruining it. Im a jinx, with me my grandmother, uncle and cousin die within 2 years.
Next is who already hahaa, god you love to make my life happy and then pull me down to hell.
Just realise the only place i can have whatever i want is only in dream.
I felt after so many fight i walking back to my old self. I can't open up anymore not can't is i find it hard to but im still trying so hard to do everything you like but fail.
Sometime during this time, i think back the happy time and think in myself am i dreaming or whatever has happen is illusion.

Had a dream just now when i sleep, dream of i shouting at you cause i can no longer take it.
But you didn't don't care you chase after me hugged me and forget about the fight and say don't care about the fight already.
Sometime i wish you can be like this but you just want to analyse what come out from the fight.
I don't want, everytime analyse my guilt level increase and i feel myself so cheap cause you to be so heartbroken but still stick with you.

Whatever is it, i feel like giving up. There a lot more things i keep it to myself and not saying cause i dare to say you will feel hurt.
Cause you can't take, so i choose to take yours rather than you take mine.
You know demanding too much from me you will get nothing in the end. Even though i tried and tried.
Do you know when i say i want to give up trying but i never once give up.
I try to not do whatever you don't like but you just keep one doing things i don't like.
Thing like this i hoped you will do it as well but .. nevermind
I wanted to find you to stop but you just post on facebook say you going out till midnight.
I know you will say if you are important to me, if it even midnight i can go out and find you also.
You are important, i can go find you but i just don't have the courage,
You thinking everytime you walk away alone you the one feel hurt, looking at the back view of your walking aways isn't good either.
You have no idea yesterday i have the thought of jumping down when grom top i see you walking off.
Because you my source of power of living well, but this power source often haywire cause me have to spend time in darkness fixing it.

Thinking everytime each couple walk pass me. I think do they have time like im having now ?
I don't think so, cause they look so happy with each other.
Tell you my wish for chirstmas and my birthday is all the same. I don't wish for great present what i just want is you and me happy no more fighting.

Yays, im back from Malaysia. I had fun and full of coldness only.
When reach there was thinking of want to faster come back Singapore but last day there i wanted to stay even longer.

This the first time i went to genting with people that was not the same bloodline and totally not related to me.
The experience wasn't bad and wasn't very good also :0
Everything was a happy thing to me, but not for the second day till the half of third day.
This happen to destroy my mood for everything, nevermind i can't blame much also cause im the one causing this trouble to myself only.

First time i regret coming to holiday and so excited to this holiday.
I regretted at the moment we fight, i don't know what to do at that moment i wanted to stop the fight but i keep choosing the wrong thing.
Wanted to enjoy with you but you leave me to your family and left, i know now is all words whatever i say doesn't change anything.
There plenty of couple there, yea i walked around for 2 to 3 hours aimlessly ?
No where to go, nothing to do? Looking at those people with happy faces, felt the sharp pain in me.
I didn't wanted but i make it till like this.
Laogong you know something, i hated you to smoke but you purposely go buy cig. My mood already worst looking at it make it even more worst.
How the feeling of being left alone emotional in a foreign country, now i understand :D!

Whatever, first time cried so badly ): First time i hold someone so tightly scare he leave me. I don't even want him to have a distance between me. So no matter what i hold on to you no matter how you push me aways, i just need you badly.
I treasure every moment with you, everything you give, every little bit of effort you put in.
But i just don't know how to express my thoughts out properly and always cause misunderstanding.
Do you know it hurt badly when your brother say you hate me, i know you won't but the action you do show me you are.
Im trying to be strong but im still not that strong able to take everything.

okaysokays, continue saying my feeling it endless. Cause i really feel a lot of things at that point of time.
Anyways i just realise there is always guilt with me no matter how happy how painful i am.
The guilt follow me ): i fear of this guilt, i fear for you leaving me and really will let me go.
You know whenever you tell me to hold you tight i fear you cannot take my bads already.
Now i learn how to not making myself feel bad by knowing what things i can do. Like today asking me to buy FHM magazine for you is obviously i won't do it.
Doing this will only spoil my mood and make me feel bad, but if you want badly i don't mind buying it for you.

Whatever :D ! Laogong, thanks for giving my sucha good memories.
Bringing me go shopping, play roller coaster, walk around with me, joke with me, hugging me when im feel cold and give me warm, buy me Tea egg :), taking photos with me and most important giving in to me and making the first step.
i love you, believe me that you the first time i ever love a person.
Don't tell me there is a second person cause i know my heart wouldn't betray and love a second guy.
This sound nice and hard to do it. I know, cause this is what i feel.
Laogong, i know my stupidness and blur make you very xinku in this relationship im trying and learning how to become clever and more auto and trying to let you know i care, love and think of you everytime, every moment and second.

Update before i went to genting :D Slightly homesick now already.
hahaa, can't wait take photos and play with him ♥
The first time i got to go genting, the first time i able to go oversea with someone :D

Yea, will return back on tuesday :D So miss me alright, hahaa

Today had my last second day of O's level :D
My days recently is really up and down.. i don't know why, just can't be smooth for a few week.
Don't say few week even one week also very hard.. After prom going buried myself in works and works.
Keep myself busy (: But only free myself when there happiness. Yeah, maybe running aways from all the things.
But already enough, i don't know i can hold my only little happiness for how long but i only know no matter how hard is it i will continue, hahaa

Still trying hard, the fear of my father rejecting is getting more but no one understand. Can't help they don't get born in this family.
But if korkor still around he understand my fear, he bring me out to clear it hahaa.
How i miss that, no one does that already.
Nevermind should learn to be independent, learn how to take fear, learn how to accept others.
Im learning to be content with what i have as long as now i don't lose another can le.
Being content consider of not being jealous, not asking too much, being happy with what i have.
No matter what i do in a relationship it always both party get the same thing.
But now i choosing to escape and not facing anymore but this make both part hurts.
Tears don't cure it make people more hurt only, im just waiting when is the tears of joys coming :D

Hahaa, last day of O's on friday, ohmygod
Kays lahs, i wish to be alone till i can settle my own heart within.

Bi sorry i know im selfish. I don't mind but you are my other fear, you know that ?
Till now the only fear i don't dare to face up is you, fear of losing, fear of quarrelling with you, fear of your hurting words and acting..
For you i dare to face my other fear.. im .. sorry

Whoo, i been studying for freaking one whole day. Now my head is spinning -_-
So take a rest by coming to blog(: Serve me right only know how to play now have no time to rest but to chiong my studies.
Im feeling quite tired, tomorrow morning im having a socialstudies paper and afternoon a Fnn -_-
God damn it, this two paper need a lot of studies. My throat getting sore also .. 8 hours sitting on the same place is a torture for me

Yesterday went swimming at Jurong East with baby, samsam and eric :D Yea, had fun !
At night went to watch MegaMind at lot 1 :D Reach home at 1am >.<

Recently i just can't find anytime to talk to you truly. Either you sleeping, too tired, moodswing, playing game or whatever. There is always things stopping me from having this time from you. Still remembering you say don't need it but i need it.
Cause it the only time i get to tell you my feeling totally, thru fights and normal times i never will be able to express it all out.
I don't know, studies i totally have no hope for passing already. I already have plan for retaking O's as a private candidate.
Genda was right, i agree i wasn't the same as before after going into a relationship.
But i really wanted to change to make you more happy being with me, to make you love me more.
Do you know whatever you hope in my is the opposite character of mine. I try my best to meet up too your expectation but your expectation is always high.
I always manage to reach the previous expectation but your new expectation is even higher than last time de.
Recently i totally feel nothing from both of us. Yes we do things what couple do but i totally feel nothing out from it. This feeling gone for months, that why im so abnormal.
Never wanted to say it scare you will say i ask for a lot. Nevermind continue being happy :D
Hahaa, there time in between whether im have a fake smile or really smiling because im happy ?
Hahaa, tired to smile when you throw your temper that the fake smile. Saying it not hurt but infact it hurt like im dying.
Guess my hearts and feeling is getting use already. Being it really tough for me to do that.
Seriously i want to find someone and ask why there so much problem between us. I know now mostly it from me.
I created those problem making you flare up, sad, fuckedup. Im really dumb but trying to be clever already.

Kays lahs kays lahs, im not negative already (: Actually wanted to tell you all this long time ago but couldn't find the time for it. Got time but you spend it in game and computer.
Hahaa, i don't want to use blog to make my feeling better. But still im improving (: Now you should know why alone i being so negative.
But seriously my heart hurt everyday, it just feel the pain, you already getting less and less caring to me for this few weeks.
Nevermind :D Im okays now, hahaa no matter what i love you baby ♥
Back to studies le, hehs

Designer: Jasmine Lim :D
Pictures: PhotoBucket, Tinypic
Inspiration: Blogskins
Music: Youtube